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Tips
and Techniques for Giving and Receiving Feedback
Effective
communicators know that feedback goes hand in hand with good
listening. What
many do not recognize, however, is that providing feedback to
ensure good communication is a shared responsibility.
Those who send messages need to appreciate the role
feedback plays in effective communication as much as those who
are on the receiving end of those messages.
Both parties must make sure the communication
“loop” is closed with appropriate feedback.
Unfortunately,
those who send messages are often unaware that seeking feedback
to ensure that communication has been effective is their
responsibility. Others
may realize this, but they are reluctant ask for feedback.
They assume that because their message is clear to them,
it is clear to everyone who receives it as well.
They may be concerned that asking for feedback will be
insulting to their message recipients, because it suggests that
they were not listening. Or,
they simply don’t take the time to check for understanding.
Even when they ask for a response from recipients of
their messages, they don’t know how to accept the feedback
they are given. They
may not listen carefully to the message. Or, they may become
defensive, interrupt, or argue when they hear what the other
person has to say.
Just
as some otherwise good communicators are reluctant to seek
feedback, many are also reluctant to give it.
They do not like to admit that they do not understand a
message, because they think it makes them look stupid.
They also find it difficult to tell others what they
could do differently to be more effective. While they don’t
mind giving praise or indicating agreement, they feel very
uncomfortable giving negative feedback, and consequently, they
often hesitate to give it.
So,
whether you are in a position to give feedback or get it, the
following suggestions
should help you to do it effectively.
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To
be more effective at giving feedback:
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Show
that you are focused on verifying understanding,
communicating acceptance, or contributing to growth
and improvement – not on criticism, blame,
punishment, or embarrassment.
Express your response in a non-threatening way,
and be careful not to make value judgments or pretend
to be an “expert” when you make suggestions.
Simply state what you understand or feel in as
clear and straightforward a way as possible.
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Acknowledge
what was clear, and indicate areas in which you have
questions and need additional clarification.
If the feedback relates to the other person’s
behavior, explain both what you found effective about
it, and what should be done differently in the future.
In addition, when responding to behavior,
comment only on the other person’s behavior
– not the person – and make your response objective,
concise, and descriptive by focusing on specific and
observable actions and the effect they have on you.
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To
get feedback you need to ensure your
communications effectiveness:
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Ask
the other person to respond, and listen carefully to
the person’s ideas.
When appropriate, confirm the other person’s
points by summarizing or paraphrasing his or her
ideas.
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Actively
solicit the opinions and suggestions of others and
take responsibility to make sure their messages have
been understood.
They realize that there are many different
perspectives, and that others may have different
points of view.
When
verifying that their message has been understood as
intended, they don’t simply ask, “Did you
understand?” Instead,
they ask the recipient of the message to rephrase what
was heard in his or her own words.
And, they ask questions that encourage open
response, so that they get additional information.
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Continue
the feedback discussion until you’ve confirmed that
both you and the other party understand each other.
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Lastly,
to benefit fully from any feedback you receive,
always:
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Focus
on the person giving the feedback, and listen
actively, with an open mind.
Try not to let your emotions interfere with
your ability to listen, and avoid becoming defensive,
interrupting, or arguing.
When tempted to react emotionally, pause for a
moment, reflect calmly on the message, and rephrase it
to make sure you understood it.
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Make
sure you truly understand the feedback before you
respond. Ask
questions to clarify the other person’s ideas and,
when needed, ask for examples.
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Think
carefully about the information contained in the
feedback. When
appropriate, check it out with others.
Don’t overreact to feedback, but do make
selected changes as necessary. When you do act on the
feedback you’ve received, continue communicating by
giving “feedback about the feedback.”
Let those who originally offered the feedback
know how you have used the input their provided.
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